MOTHERING CAN BE ENRAGING
By Alice Jaroscewicz
Mothering can conjure a host of emotions in us: love, joy, contentment, pride, and yes, anger.
Anger is a completely normal and adaptive emotion. It can alert us to the presence of danger and can provide us with a sense of power, control and safety. However anger is probably not a feeling we expected to be quite so familiar with in the early years of our child’s life. If left unaddressed it can lead to an unhealthy cycle of anger, rage, guilt and shame, and can have a negative impact on those around us.
So how can you equip yourself to better deal with anger by?
Understanding where the anger comes from.
Anger is easy to identify, however often belies the full picture. Anger may be fuelled by different emotions or combinations of emotions, such as grief, overwhelm, stress, guilt and worry. If anger is the visible tip of the iceberg, these other emotions are the bulk of the iceberg lying under the surface.
Working on getting your needs met.
You can’t fill from an empty cup! When our needs aren’t met we are more likely to experience burnout, resentment and anger. As Mothers, we may have a tendency towards self-sacrifice and suppressing our own needs. We may need to work on identifying and communicating our needs and setting and upholding boundaries to make sure we are consistently having our needs met.
Challenging our unhelpful standards, rules and expectations.
Reflect on the standards we hold for ourselves as Mothers. Are these our own or have we perhaps internalised some of society’s unrealistic expectations of mothers? Unrelenting, unattainable expectations can be a barrier to getting our needs met and can leave us feeling trapped, depleted and resentful. Instead, can we re-write these and adopt a healthier perspective?
Learning to regulate our nervous systems.
Diaphragmatic breathing triggers your body’s relaxation response and lowers the stress response. Regular practice when already calm keeps the nervous system flexible and less reactive, and means we can more easily call on these techniques in the moments we are angry and need to regulate.
We can help.
Here at Berry Collective Psychology, we have a dedicated team that can help support you on your journey of healing and recovery.
